For years, I had what was essentially a severe case of jet lag. Treating my hypothyroidism (or “treating” it) didn’t help. Following all sorts of sleep hygiene advice didn’t help. I complained and complained and complained to doctors, and they didn’t help. They gave me really horrible and stupid suggestions like: “You just have to force yourself to stay awake until 11 pm and then keep doing it every day, and your sleep pattern will correct itself.” Well, I could stay up one night until 11 pm or midnight without too much trouble, but I’d be completely sapped of energy for the rest of the week and there was no chance I could stay up past 8 or 9 pm the next night. I tried using sleeping pills, but they just knocked me out, and then I’d wake up in 10 hours and feel really tired – like I needed to get some sleep after that coma.

Last summer, I got my endocrinologist to refer me to a sleep lab. They did an overnight test in which I was hooked up to some gadgets and then returned to the lab the following morning so they could observe the results. The “diagnosis” was that I had a very moderate case of sleep apnea. Over the next month, I was fitted for a C-PAP machine and it was adjusted a few times, but it actually didn’t work at all and in fact I slept quite a bit worse with it than without it. Finally I had to return the lab’s C-PAP and I realized the whole thing was an elaborate ploy to sell me a C-PAP of my own. Another doctor later confirmed my theory; he read the lab’s report and told me that I didn’t have any more apnea incidents than the average adult of my age and weight has.

Eventually, last winter I read an article recommending melatonin as an over-the-counter treatment for jet lag. Since what I had was basically jet lag, I decided to try some. I went to America in February, flying (west) in the middle of the night, sleeping a little on the plane, and landing in the morning. Because I was with my family, I had enough excitement and activity to stay awake for the whole day into the evening. Before I went to sleep, I took a 3 mg pill of melatonin that I’d gotten during an afternoon shopping trip. I slept soundly and woke up at a good hour. But that didn’t show me much of anything, since I was in my old bed, in my old room that I used to sleep in when I was a teenager. The second day of my visit was also packed with entertainment, so I was kept busy and again didn’t get to sleep until late (ie, a normal time for most people). I felt extremely exhausted and again took some melatonin before going to bed. Again I slept very well and woke up at the right time. Still unconvinced, I tried it for a third evening. And a fourth. And so on. I kept using the melatonin every night on that trip to America, and I kept sleeping well, waking up well-rested at a good hour, and staying awake all day until around midnight. After seven years, my jet lag was ended.

What does melatonin do and how is melatonin different from other medications? I tried pills that knocked me out and pills that relaxed me. I also tried using hashish as a sleep aid. The knockout pills forced me to sleep and I woke up feeling like I felt when I had mono – like I needed to sleep off the terrible sleep I’d just suffered. The chillout pills made me unable to act like a normal person. If I got a phone call, I couldn’t think straight to answer it, and if my dog misbehaved, I couldn’t scold him correctly or swiftly enough. I also felt like they were more effective at making me lie very, very still than at putting me to sleep. As for cannabis, I enjoy the occasional hash brownie, but the last thing I want to do when I’m stoned is sleep. Mostly I want to think about stuff, listen to stoner music, watch terrible movies and eat a lot of food, none of which is conducive to sleeping well.

Melatonin simulates what it actually feels like to get tired and need to go to bed. Or I could say that it actually makes me feel tired and need to go to bed. It doesn’t knock me out: I can still function if necessary after taking melatonin; I’ll just be really tired. It doesn’t chill me out: I can react to things if necessary. But taking it a few hours before bed time, along with using other sleep hygiene ideas, like turning off the lights, effectively tells my body that it’s time for bed in a way that no other technique does.

Now that I have to wake up at 6:45 three days a week (increasing to five days next month), I can’t take melatonin every night. I take a 5 mg pill approximately three nights a week, and that is enough for me to regulate my sleep for those nights and the other nights.

For anyone suffering what I suffered – chronic jet lag – I warmly recommend regulating your sleep pattern with melatonin as I regulate mine.